Go The Journey Together - Anne's Story
Rock bottom, suicide attempts, life was agony - living hell. No more… couldn't cope…
Hospital stays up to five months at a time - padded cells, locked wards, Involuntary patient, ECT, medication…. an endless list.
Forced to resign from a professional career, had to sell my car, moved into subsidised accommodation, and relying on welfare - Disability Pension.
Stigma, discrimination, and called a "freak". Shame and humiliation when asked "what do you do for a living?"
I couldn't get any worse (i.e. sicker), but I did. It was during one particularly bad time, I fantasised about what I would be doing with my life if I were "well". I compiled a list of the "Things I Wished To Do Before I Turned Thirty".
Top of my list was "To compete in a triathlon". So I did it. As simple as that - I did it.
I joined a beginner's triathlon squad and learnt how to swim, bike and run. It was the most difficult thing I did - me as a "freak" doing normal things in a normal person's world.
It was hard - very hard. And it still is. Before I can even begin to swim even one lap of the pool or turn the pedal of the bike, I have to fight my mind. And I mean fight! I have to push past the loud voices and screaming/horrific roar in my head, push past the paranoia, confusion, and overwhelming apathy, terror, zero self-esteem, crippling depression… an endless list.
Being in hospital was not going to stop me. I spent November 2003 to March 2004 in hospital - four months: the entire triathlon season. It would have been so easy to give up and just mooch around the hospital for the four months. No way! Illness has taken everything else from me - it was NOT going to take this.
And guess what happened:
I won the Queensland Triathlon State Titles - I won the whole series for 2003/2004. I was the fastest person in Queensland in triathlon in my race category: 25-29 age-group.
I have spent five months of the 2004/2005-triathlon race season in hospital. But I race whenever I can, and have managed to win or place in almost every race.
Late 2004 I came third in the 2004 Noosa Triathlon - the second largest triathlon in the world! Once again, I raced whilst significantly unwell and on leave from hospital. February this year, I raced my first National/Australian Series race and finished Top 10 (8th place).
But it gets even better:
On May 30 this year, I was selected on the Australian Team for the 2005 World Triathlon Age Group Championships in Hawaii!!!
I had proven that mental illness is no barrier to achieving goals and dreams. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it - especially since I had spent I had spent the entire race season - five months - in hospital.
Realistically, it could be argued I can't afford go to the World Championships in Hawaii - the Disability Pension doesn't factor in international airfares. But this won't stop me. Trust me, I will find a way.
Why am I so determined, and why do I refuse to quit despite significant illness?
Sometimes I lose my way and have a relapse and ending up in hospital. But it is different this time - I have hope: I know things can be different. I know there is "the other side". I know setbacks are only short-term, and manageable. And despite the ravages of illness, I have found something that makes me truly happy.
Used with permission ….Anne Garton
Anne says.
I am now actively involved
in public health system as a mental health advocate, and also with other
mental health organizations. I possess a deep-seated drive/passion to
fight for, and advocate for the rights of mentally ill people. I use my
triathlon achievements to publicly speak out about mental illness - reduce
stigma and fear and promote community inclusiveness. My goal is to be
an ambassador for mental illness.
I also speak out about my triathlon achievements to be a role model for
other mentally ill people. I am showing that no barrier is too
high. That it is possible to set goals and have dreams - anything is
possible.